Script for my retirement scenario…

[Esther and husband Brett, both in their mid sixties lay sunbathing in front of their Malibu beach house. Esther flicks through Vogue magazine while Brett attempts to doze off.]

-Honey I think I wanna get the downstairs redecorated, maybe get that wonderful French designer we met at the Jellyfish Conservation Trust ball.[Flicking through Vogue carelessly]

-Sweetie we only got it done last year. I told you you’d go off the animal print in no time.

-Brett! You know Miranda came round for brunch last week and said, “Gosh darling, how do you not get a headache with these loud prints on every wall?!” Can you believe her?! To walk into my own home and call my eye for design lary and sickening! I’m not having her tell the other housewives that our beautiful home looks like London Zoo on an acid trip!

[Fanning herself with the magazine in an agitated way].

-Baby it’s our home, we can have it however we want it.

-But I live to entertain my guests! I’m throwing little Brianna her birthday party here next week, I don’t want all her little friends running home with tales of Brianna’s crazy, old grandma’s rainbow house!

-Ok ok. Ring Jean Paul tomorrow if you must! But I want a quote before he goes ahead and rips our house apart.

-Yes, Yes don’t worry there’ll still be enough money left in the kitty for your trip to Vegas with the guys! [Rolling her eyes] I mean why make your wife of forty-five years happy when you can blow our entire pension in the casinos!

-Yes dear [falling asleep obviously]

-Also I’ve fired the pool boy. I’m sick of him taking time off to see his mother. I understand she’s unwell and wants to see him but the pool needs special care and attention on a Friday for if the family come round Saturday. You know last weekend I found 3 leaves and a dead wasp in there. A dead wasp Brett! I don’t want little Junior in a hospital bed next to Marco’s mother because of one of our employee’s neglect!

– Doesn’t his mother have a terminal illness?

-Hmm [holding the magazine closer to her face] Ooooh Vuitton’s spring/summer collection is out!”

‘Retire in a beach house in Malibu’- 3/8 of Dreams Project, 2012

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